Cautiously Optimistic
Watching the playground dynamics this morning was an exercise in maternal heartbreak. I stood there, powerless, watching Sabrina once again on the outside of the crowd. I suppose it could have been worse; focussed as she was on rooting through her backpack she didn’t seem to notice that literally every other girl in her class was engaged in a rowdy game of Kings Court just a few feet away. But I did. And as she ran off to play alone on the climbers I wondered again, why doesn’t she get it? Why doesn’t she seem able to see or negotiate the playground politics.
If Bree were a shy kid, a quiet kid, a kid who did not thrive on social activitiy, I’d understand. I’d even encourage her loneresque ways. Lord knows that I’m no social butterfly. But the problem is, that Sabrina is. She loves people and generally hates to be alone. She’s never happier than when she has someone to talk to and play with. Which is why I don’t understand why she has such a problem figuring out the social dynamics of the schoolyard.
Much though I’d like it to be, it can’t all be Heather’s fault. I certainly think Miss Queen Bee has contributed to the problem, but I’m willing to acknowledge that she’s not really the root of it all. Sabrina doesn’t seem to “get” social codes. Today is a prime example: Every other girl in her class was playing a game together, and yet instead of joining in and making a place for herself in the group, she chose to stay away. She chose to cast herself as an outsider, even though I know that is the role she hates most. And I realize that it was possibly because the thought of being rejected was just too much to bear (an idea that breaks my heart), but I don’t think that was it. I think it honestly didn’t occur to her that to make connections with these girls, she should play king’s court, even though she would rather be on the climber. Clearly that’s something we’re going to have to work on more.
There was one victory in the day, though. After yesterday’s “Maybe I’ll be your friend” bombshell, Sabrina and I had yet another talk about what friendship is really all about. Today, my Diva Girl told the Queen Bee that she could be her friend or she could not be her friend, but maybe wasn’t an option. I’m really, really proud of her; last year, she would have simply fallen in line with Heather’s attitude and done anything she could think of to win her over. Even more surprising, Heather has apparently decided to be her friend, and spent all three recesses playing with her today. I’ll admit, I don’t like Heather, but I’m glad for my daughter’s sake. But I’m still gonna wait and see what tomorrow brings before I start jumping on any bandwagons.