Parenting Without A License

The Pros Of Dating Yourself

Posted by Kimberly on November 25th, 2007 — Posted in Kipple, NaBloPoMo

Once Diva Girl and the Zen Baby were successfully packed off on their sleepover, my Saturday stretched before me, a veritable embarrassment of riches. What to do with all those hours? Be virtuous and clean the house? Be indulgent and do a little shopping somewhere other than the grocery store for once? Be luxurious and take a nap? Or, be utterly decadent and take myself to the movies? The possibilities were endless.

Eventually I decided on a combination of activities to fill my empty hours–a little shopping, a little surfing, and enough scrubbing to leave me feeling like I deserved a treat, in this case a movie far,far removed from my normal “G” rated fare. What I really wanted to see was Beowulf, but that (obviously) wasn’t playing at the $3 Theatre next door, so I settled for The Kingdom. I wasn’t dying to see it, but I wasn’t averse either, especially when my other option was Superbad.

Remember last time I went to the movies? With the talking and the talking and the oh my god the talking? I’m trying to decide if last night’s adventure in rudeness tops that or not. This time incessant chatter wasn’t the issue; our ill mannered couple were quiet enough, while still showing absolutely no sense of rudimentary theatre etiquette. The theatre was essentially empty; apparently the 9:30 showing of The Kingdom wasn’t too popular since I counted three other people there when I chose my seat in the middle of the very last row and settled in to enjoy my small popcorn and complimentary movie mag. So I don’t understand why the couple who came in next decided to sit right in front of me.

Seriously. When they first stopped at my row and the woman made to head on down, I was a bit puzzled. Surely she couldn’t intend on sitting there, so close to me when the entire theatre was hers for the choosing? Her companion didn’t seem to think so, heading up another row before she called him back. Even as they made their way along the row, I comforted myself with the fact that there was no way that, in a deserted theatre, she would choose to sit directly in front of me. And she didn’t. She saved that spot for her very tall companion.

Who does that?

I could have sat there and looked around his giant head. I could have moved over one seat and stared daggers at her all night, sticking little mental pins in the voodoo doll in my mind. I could have let it ruin my hard earned movie night. And if I’d been on a date with anyone but myself , I might have suffered in silence. The beauty of dating yourself, however, is that you’re not trying to impress anyone. You already know just how intolerant, judgemental, and crabby you are, so there’s nothing to stop you from acting on your impulses.

So I moved seats. To the one directly in front of her. And I enjoyed every second of my movie.