Tizzy
I’m not a particularly patient person. I mean I can be, but not when it comes to waiting for something. Waiting is hard for me. I like to know things, and I like to know them now. So waiting to hear about this job interview is just about killing me.
Thursday was ok. I didn’t expect to hear Thursday. I mean, it would have been nice, but I was fine with the silence. That just meant that they hadn’t picked someone else yet.
Friday was harder. They said they’d make a decision by the end of the week. Friday is the end of the week. I spent the day in a tightly wound ball of tension, that “ohpleaseohpleaseohplease” refrain echoing through my head as I puttered around, trying to keep busy in an effort to fool myself into thinking that I wasn’t thinking about it. By four o’clock, though, I’d traded my optimism for resignation. They hadn’t called me, which meant that they must have called someone else.
I’ve been trying to wrap my head around that all weekend. To understand why they choose a different candidate. Which, really, is just another way of saying I spent the weekend going over the many ways I must have messed up the interview, longing for a chance to do it over and beating myself up for my inarticulate stupidity. All of which was made worse by the fact that it was slowly dawning on my that applying for this job wasn’t just a whim. I really wanted it. More than I’d even realized.
I’d thought that I was ok with my job as a supply teacher. Happy with it even; I could certainly rattle off all the benefits of subbing over classroom teaching without needing to stop and think very long about the differences. I’d definitely achieved a balance in my life between what I wanted and what I had. Or, at least, I thought I had. But that’s one of the things about hope, it comes out of nowhere and knocks you off balance. It makes you look at your life differently and think about it in new ways. It makes you want things you don’t have.
By Sunday I thought I’d gotten myself back on an even keel. It was ok that I didn’t get this job. That just meant that it wasn’t the right time. And really, it doesn’t quite fit in with what I need out of life right now. In fact, it’s pretty selfish to even think of upsetting the applecart at this point. I resolved to not exactly put it behind me–I’ll certainly be taking the opportunity to form some kickass answers to those interview questions that don’t leave me feeling like I was a babbling idiot, drowning in a sea of my own words, desperately searching for the life preserver of a coherent thought next time–but to move on from the experience. To reembrace my life, the one I have worked so hard to build for my family these past few years.
Hope is a pernicious thing, though, and this morning I’ve been consumed by the fact that while no one has called with a “yes,” they haven’t called with a “no,” either. So now I’m back to a sense of optimism and possibility sitting in my stomach like a lead balloon as I offer up a final plea of “ohpleaseohpleaseohplease.”
I just hope it’s not too late to do any good.
Comment by Catinthebox
Perhaps you didn’t get the job b/c they googled you, read this blog and realized that you don’t work well with others and therefore were a risky hire. You have openly expressed disdain for current colleagues @ IVillage which is your right - freedom of speech and what not. But my educated guess tells me that if your interviewer found this blog which he probably could quite easily, he would deem you ‘trouble’ and offer the job to someone who isn’t quite so vocal.
Posted on December 3, 2007 at 1:15 pm
Comment by Dootsie.
Perhaps she didn’t get the job because she’s too wonderful.
And perhaps some people should learn to shut up and shove their uneducated guesses where the sun doesn’t quite shine.
Posted on December 3, 2007 at 3:06 pm
Comment by Amanda
Be sure to send a Thank you via e-mail or snail mail for the interview. At this point preferrably email if available. I have a friend who works in HR and she has told me that on more than one occasion a thank you for the interview was the determining factor for the new hire.
Posted on December 3, 2007 at 3:27 pm
Comment by Kimberly
Thanks for the advice, Amanda! I actually called HR AND the principal today to thank them. I was worried it was a bit over the top and made me look like an overanxious dork, so nice to hear someone else say it was a good idea
Dootsie? You rock! Cat? Bite me.
Posted on December 3, 2007 at 3:33 pm
Comment by Kate
I love it when people make “educated guesses” well here’s a piece of information for you.
If was a truly educated guess then you would have bothered to educate yourself first, she ain’t googlable!!!
believe me I did educate myself first before I opened my big mouth so in agreeance with Dootsie go stick your trollishness where the sun don’t shine!
Posted on December 3, 2007 at 3:33 pm
Comment by Catinthebox
Bitch about one job on the internet - especially in such a public forum (IVillage) and the odds are an employer will find out. But remember Kimberly, you quit your job @ IV for moral reasons so you shouldn’t worry if you don’t get this job either. After all, it’s your right to free speech and you are doing nothing wrong. You just can’t always have everything. Most of us working full time would love to badmouth our colleagues in a public forum. But we need the money too badly or we’re classier then that. Either way, it’s a choice. And I’m glad that we all have it to make. But I think it’s a safe assumption to assume that you are a turn-off to prospective employers b/c you so publicly bashed your last one.
Again, choices.
BTW - all thank you’s should be written the day of the interview. Just an FYI as it looks like you’ll be going on some more interviews!
Posted on December 3, 2007 at 4:26 pm
Comment by Kimberly
Looks like you should read a little more carefully, Cat. I didn’t quit. I was fired. And I’ve not been turned down for the job yet–although I could probably work in some tutoring time to help with your reading comprehension skills.
And given that mommyblogging on ivillage has nothing to do with teaching in Canada, I’m having a hard time with the idea that it’s an issue here. As Kate pointed out, googling me won’t bring you here.
Thanks for the etiquette lesson though–I’m sure my employer appreciated the email I sent Wednesday AND the phone call today. Although no, I won’t be going on more interviews–this job was specific to what I wanted for my life and my family. I have no intention to blanket the industry with resumes at the moment. It’ll take me a few minutes to get over the disappointment if I don’t get this job, but I will, and I’ll happily go back to my life.
And Cat–or should I say “Steph”? Next time put up a REAL email address or I’m blocking your ip. Bitches are totally allowed here, as are assholes. Trolls? Not so much.
Posted on December 3, 2007 at 4:58 pm
Comment by Silver Fox
Kimberly - It’s perfectly okay to wait a couple of days or the weekend before contacting HR with questions. Don’t be afraid to ask them why. Many times it just purely comes down to book smarts vs. in class smarts. Or it’s not what you know it’s who you know.
One thing that worked for a friend of mine was to have a parent volunteer submit a letter of recomendation; she was up against a fearce stack of resumes. I’m a parent volunteer and when one of the “Guest Teachers” was looking for a full-time option she asked for one and got it. It’s great to have Priciples and other teachers say nice things but when a parent expresses their thoughts it’s a whole other ballpark.
I bet you are wondering why I used “Guest Teacher”. I hate ~ loath really ~ the term ’subsitute’ becasue it can be so verably degrading. My children have been taught to use “Guest Teacher” out of respect. You are coming into the classroom as a guest of the classroom and should be shown the same respect their teacher is given.
Head up high Kimerly.
PS - Cat, It’s kind of hard to take the high road or preach from the pulpit when you are dragging your self image down as you spout off. Grow up and act like the adult your kids need you to be.
Posted on December 3, 2007 at 9:01 pm
Comment by Catinthebox
1)I’m sorry you could not access the other email address, however it is real - here’s my other one though - feel free to check it.
I started reading your blog on IVillage b/c it was cute, funny, and well written. And yet here there’s a disconnect - you’re harsher.
I don’t like you or respect you here. You’re a welfare mom, living week to week with the help of your parents and the state. And you refuse to get a job. That’s gross. So you’re not strong, or smart, you’re lazy. And I hate lazy. Your girls will grow up thinking it is okay to sleep around w/o protection. G-d willing, the worst that happens in pregnancy, the other consequences can be deadly. They’ll never have a work ethic b/c Mom doesn’t have one, and that’s sad b/c they have potential. I’m glad that Canada provides you with food, and health care. But I don’t think it’s fair.
You’re snippy and rude and judgemental. But that’s your choice.
I’m glad IVillage fired you. It was well deserved. And I doubt that you’ll get the teaching job, gut instinct. But hey, you’ve got 8 loyal readers, and welfare so you don’t need them. Good for you.
Feel free to block the IPS as so threatened, I think we both have better things to do with our time then bicker back and forth.
Good luck in the future.
Posted on December 4, 2007 at 10:29 am
Comment by Kimberly
Do you know how to read, Cat? Again, from when you were Steph: I have a job. A good one. Want to know what my last paycheck was? Over $1000. For 7 days of work. I don’t actually need the fulltime teaching gig–I just wanted it for my own personal fulfillment, not the money. The money really had nothing to do with it, since it was probably going to mean bringing in less overall than I do now.
As to lazy, I have a full time job, I run this website for money, and I ‘m a freelance writer. If that’s lazy, well then paint me with that brush.
I use Welfare Mom as a title because I have been there and I’d like to take away some of the stigma from that. I am not now, and more than likely won’t be again. But if I am, I won’t be ashamed of it. And no, my parents do not financially support us. Emotionally? yep. Physically? yep. With money? no.
I’m so sorry that you are jealous of my Canadianess. But get over it. I don’t think it’s fair that you live in a country where women consider themselves lucky to have 6 weeks at home with their new baby and a president who will commit billions to taking lives but who is unwilling to spend a few million to ensure that his nations children are adequately cared for. In fact, unfair doesn’t cover it. I think it’s disgusting and backward.
As to snippy, rude, and judgemental? Hi Pot! It’s nice to meet you. That’s a lovely shade of black you’re wearing!
And my girls will be fine, thanks. I’m sure they’ll only sleep around WITH protection. After all, if you read the archives, that’s what I’ve taught them.
Posted on December 4, 2007 at 10:50 am
Comment by Eden
Your troll is delightful, K.
“You’re snippy and rude and judgemental.” Well she spelled “judgmental” wrong (and had so many facts wrong). Was that snippy, rude & judgmental? Oops. *fingertips to mouth*
Don’t go away Catbox!
Posted on December 4, 2007 at 11:04 am
Comment by Catinthebox
You know what Kimberly, you’re right.
I don’t agree with all of your decisions and your life choices but I shouldn’t judge you for them. After all you’re putting them out there on the ‘net and I’m not. So I’m sorry. Perhaps I was too harsh and misinformed. Lesson learned.
You’re right about the USA having lousy benefits too.
I’m glad your government can support your choices, mine can’t.
I won’t bother you again, and I’m sorry I was so rude. It was out of line.
Posted on December 4, 2007 at 11:40 am
Comment by Kate
Hey cat in the box do you have a blog? Im kinda curious because I think it would be a good read. for one you are the first troll that I have ever seen with enough guts to apologise and secondly because things are obviously as hard/interesting for you as the rest of us.
Posted on December 4, 2007 at 5:02 pm
Comment by Catinthebox
No, I don’t have a blog. If truth be told,I don’t have enough guts to put my life out there to be judged. But I learned a real lesson today. I’ve had a hard year, a really hard year and I think that sometimes my anger gets displaced and I become awful. And I hate that about myself.
Life is a learning process though, and while I don’t always like myself, I’ve learned to apologize when I am wrong. And I was wrong here. And rude. And it was out of line.
I can’t say that I won’t have other bitchy moments, but I’ll try harder to think before I speak and not just shoot off my mouth when I don’t know all the facts.
So again, I’m sorry to Kimberly b/c I was wrong, rude and out of line and to anyone else I may have offended.
Posted on December 4, 2007 at 5:46 pm
Comment by Kimberly
Hey, we all have moments, Dude! No worries here. Seriously. Being bitchy is fine. It’s the trolls I have issues with. That sounded like a genuine apology to me, which takes you right out of the troll category. You’re more than welcome to hang out here if you want.
Believe me, I get hard years. I hope next year is better, and if you ever do want to talk about your troubles, I’m listening.
Posted on December 4, 2007 at 6:06 pm
Comment by Lady M
Wow, I miss a day and all this drama plus reconciliation.
Kimberly - I’m wishing you well on the job. On an unrelated note, I’ve been tossing lots of magazines during this big housecleaning and smiling every time I see High School Musical articles, thinking of you and your girls!
Posted on December 5, 2007 at 2:50 am
Comment by Catinthebox
Kimberly,
I won’t comment under this post again but I wanted to say thank you for your kindness. It was lovely of you to be so nice, when I was so awful.
I had a moment to read through your archives and I can not believe that I so sorely misjudged you. And for that, again I am sorry. I think that you are making wonderful choices for your family and I can not believe that I thought you were anything else.
I think that if Diva Girl and Zen Baby/Toddler learn half of their mother’s wisdom and compassion then they are blessed.
Keep up the great writing, and I will keep reading and again, my apologies.
Posted on December 5, 2007 at 10:27 am
Comment by Stephanie
It nice to see someone big enough to apologize when they feel they’re wrong and nice to see that apology accepted graciously. Something we don’t see much of these day, whether on-line or IRL.
Posted on December 5, 2007 at 10:40 am
Comment by Kirsten
I’m ashamed to admit that, once or twice, I’ve had a bad day and gone out to be someone’s blogtroll. It is, briefly, satisfying to say mean things and raise such a ruckus, but it’s soooo easy to forget that all the people you’re talking to are real. I usually try to get hold of myself before I press Submit. I usually manage.
And when I don’t, I get all kinds of hits to my blog! But then no one knows where to spew the vitriol — all over my posts about dyeing wool? About my latest craft market? Not much to judge there.
Just a bit of info, for all our American friends. The Ontario government allows single mothers to stay home, supported (barely) by government assistance money (welfare), until their children are 6. SIX YEARS OLD, people. Kimberly, for the record, has never been without school or a job for more than a few months at a time, since her kids were born. Just in case there are readers wondering about that “lazy” question.
And if she did choose to stay home on the “barely enough to eat the cheapest food and live in a rat-hole” money that the government provided, I’d think that was fine. I’m proud of my government for taking care of the province’s children. And the studies show that the stereotype of the multi-generation welfare family, and the “welfare queen”, is an extraordinarily minor component of those who go on assistance. Most are on for 6 months or less, just as a bridge to get them through an unexpectedly lean time.
Posted on December 5, 2007 at 12:34 pm
Comment by Cait
Yay Canada. There’s been more than one time I’ve gone to the American polls wishing we had benefits like you do!
Posted on December 5, 2007 at 12:46 pm
Comment by Kirsten
Yep. Granted, our rich people can’t get quite as rich as your rich people, but at the same time, our poor people are for the most part not nearly as destitute as your poor people. Turns out that socialism? Not quite as evil as it’s made out to be. If you’re working to pay the rent or mortgage week to week, like most of us are, socialism doesn’t suck. Yes, I do have to give up a lot of my income to taxes (but not to an HMO who will refuse coverage for anything more than a Tylenol and a bandage), but if I get suddenly sick, I won’t starve to death or find myself carrying a $20,000 debt.
Our literature sucks though. Suspect that has to do with the Northernness rather than the socialism, however.
Posted on December 5, 2007 at 1:06 pm