Parenting Without A License

Party People In the House!

Posted by Kimberly on December 16th, 2007 — Posted in Diva Girl, Kipple

We don’t traditionally celebrate Diva Girl’s birthday at this time of year–I mean, we do the family thing and the traditional pilgrimage to be ripped off by see Santa, but we don’t generally do the big birthday party extravaganza right now.  After a couple of disasterous attempts I decided that between the snow and the holiday stress, Christmas birthday parties just aren’t a good idea and talked Diva Girl into the Unbirthday concept in which we hold off on her party until June.  It’s a system that’s worked out pretty well the past couple of birthdays, but this year Diva Girl wanted to go back to having her birthday ON her birthday.

Specifically, she wanted a birthday sleepover.  Now, I have to confess, one of the things I like most about the Unbirthday parties she’s had in the past is that they haven’t involved having a horde of little girls in my house for a seemingly unlimited length of time.  The idea of forgoing the expense of a Popcorn Party or a trip to the water park in favour of inviting a group of girls to trash my livingroom didn’t really hold a lot of appeal for me, but it was important to her and i really do want to promote her friendships at this school (even if it means that I have to put up with a group of 9 year old girls dancing around to the High School Musical soundtrack at top volume in my livingroom as I’m trying to write a blog post), so I thought about what I could live with and then told her she could invite no more than three friends to sleepover this weekend.  I figured three was a good, safe number because it would create an even, balanced group of girls and cut down on the possibility of the nasty sidetaking, exclusionary behaviour kids can degenerate into when you put them in a group of three.  Plus, the idea of more than a group of four made my eye start to twitch.
Aside from a slight bobble during the as yet unblogged drama, Diva Girl has been eagerly anticipating her social debut.  The Webkinz, Build A Bears, and Little Pet Shops have been lovingly arranged all week (super fun with a little sister just itching to play with the toys), the DVDs have been stacked at the ready, and the goody bags have been packed all week (Rubik’s Cube, Bead kit, Skittles Lipsmaker and homemade CD featuring the musical stylings of Hannah Montana).  And I’ve been quietly dreading it.  I didn’t like groups of nine year old girls when I was one, and nothing I’ve seen in the years since has convinced me that my original perceptions were too far off the mark.  Plus, it’s a really long time since I’ve been a nine year old girl and I was stressed about what exactly I was going to do with them for roughly twenty-four hours. Add on to that the fact that, what with the school change I don’t actually know the girls she’d invited other than by name, and it was shaping up to be more of a stress over than a sleep over.

In the end, it was a sleepunder–of the two girls who accepted the invitation, one wasn’t allowed to sleepover, and the other one burst into tears wanting her mommy around 11 o’clock*.  Which, if it had to happen, was probably the best time for it–far better than the 2 am phone call I could have been making.  Plus, it saved me the hassle of the sleep deprivation and the ever escalating “go. to. sleep.!” threats.  So, is it terrible that even though Diva Girl was devastated, I was actually relieved that we wouldn’t be running that particular part of the gauntlet?

It was also more successful than I could have hoped for.  No, they didn’t want to play the Twister game I’d set up for them, and they never got around to the HSM marathon we’d planned, but they devoured the snacks, played nicely with the Zen Baby and included her in their games, amused themselves and over all required very little supervision or cruise directing over the eight hours or so they were here. In fact, aside from the fact that there were presents, it felt more like a really long (in a good way, not in the “I would gnaw off my own limb to escape this hell” kind of way) playdate than a party.

The best part was that I got to see Diva Girl in action with actual friends, and I found that I liked what I saw.  They enjoyed each other’s company.  They played.  They compromised.  There was no drama, no whining, no competition.  Just three little girls running through the apartment enjoying each other’s company.  Watching them over the course of the day–staying out of their way when I could and stepping in on the few occasions when they needed a adult to control the activity–was a treat rather than a torture for me.  I liked them, I really liked them, and it makes me happy to think that maybe, just maybe, after all this time Diva Girl might finally have a wee group of genuine friends of her very own.

I’m even going to overlook that they both gave her Bratz dolls.  After all, nobody’s perfect, but these are perfectly nice friends for my daughter even if their moms and I do have some fundamental differences in our idea of what makes an appropriate toy for our daughters.

*Hooray for creative parents!  When A decided that she just couldn’t do the sleepover thing, it looked like it was all over.  Sabrina was in tears because her party was ruined!  There would be no fun to be had on Sunday!  A was in tears because even though she hated disappointing Sabrina and she wanted to have fun on Sunday, she wanted her mommy even more.  It could have ended very, very badly.  Until A’s parents and I hit on the idea of the sleepover split.  Dad came to pick A up at 11:30 so that she could sleep in her own bed, and then Mom drove her back over at 9 so that the girls could resume their fun.  All they really missed was me yelling at them to shut up and go to sleep, and nobody really wanted that anyway, so it was a total win-win!

To top it off, A’s mom not only braved a blizzard and an unplowed parking lot this morning to make this happen, she also brought me Timmies.   It’s official, Diva Girl is not allowed to have any other friends; I’m in love with these ones