Parenting Without A License

Waiting

Posted by Kimberly on February 27th, 2008 — Posted in Kipple

Sitting in the ultrasound suite today, it occurred to me that I am far better acquainted with my daughter’s internal organs than I ever wanted to be. It bothers me that I can look up from holding her hand and identify the Zen Baby’s kidney or pancreas on the computer screen. The shape of her toes, the arch of her brows, the curve of her lips–these are the features a mother should be able to identify in her child, not the shape of her pancreas, the arch of her kidney, the curve of her intestines.

Much though I’ve become blase about these semiannual returns to the scene of the crime–this time around, rather than obsessing about the appointment in the week leading up to it, I forgot about it until the last minute–I do still find myself waiting with baited breath as we take that tour around her belly. I didn’t think I would this time; walking into the appointment, I had not one iota of fear that this might not end well. So it surprised me when I found myself bracing for the worst; however, it was only for a second and then my confidence that all was right in our world (and her belly) returned.

At this point, 3 years and 6 all clear scans in, it would be easy to look at these appointments as an annoyance. An inconvenience and the waste of an afternoon.

But then I think about where we could be right now, and how much more time we could be spending in hospital waiting rooms and I’m happy to sit in those depressing rooms filled with cheerful paintings, ripped picture books, and neglected toys, trying to entertain an increasingly bored child. I think of the shellshocked woman with the raccoon eyes I saw wandering the corridor on our way to our appointment with the surgeon, or I imagine the family in the exam room next door who were there for their first consultation, and I don’t mind our wait at all.