The Family Bed
30 Aug 2011 Leave a Comment
This is actually a very controversial parenting topic. Co-sleeping refers to parents and children sleeping in close proximity to each other, and bed-sharing is when that “close proximity” means in the same bed together. In the world of attachment parenting, a style of parent-child bonding, it is the norm, especially among breast-feeding mothers who find their baby feeds better, bonds quicker, and everyone sleeps more soundly with this arrangement. The proponents for “the family bed”, as it is being so named, argue that this practice has been safely in use all over the world for centuries. Those who argue against it cite SIDS statistics and claim it’s too risky.
I am not a supporter of the family bed, mostly because I’m selfish. I like my body to myself and room to spread out when I sleep. I carried my children for nine (ten) months a piece and had them rolling and kicking me from the inside all night long. I couldn’t wait to get them OUT of my body! Once they were out, I did not lose my mind and suddenly want them in the bed with me so they could roll and kick me from the outside all night long.
What I want is sleep, and I can’t sleep with my children in the bed with me. It makes me so nervous that It keeps me awake all night worrying I will roll over and smother them. This isn’t some third world country where parents sleep on the floor with their kids to stay warm for sheer survival and because they have no alternative. My bed is several feet off the floor and could cause a serious head injury if my six month old were to roll off. And then I would feel pretty stupid knowing I had a perfectly safe crib I could put her in.
Anyway, just my personal opinion on the matter. I know many people feel differently and I don’t need to be “educated” as to why (TPG). I don’t really care where your kids sleep, that’s your business. I hope you don’t smother them. That would suck. For me and mine, separate beds and rooms is the goal.
I say “goal” because, to my dismay, we are currently sleeping in the family bed. Literally, as I type, I have a toddler knee shoved in my back. And it’s not comfortable. The baby doesn’t sleep in the bed, luckily, because her big sister would beat her in her sleep. Hannah is like a mini Mike Tyson in bed, I swear. She throws herself all over it, kicking the blankets off (both of us) like they attacked her, and most nights ends up completely sideways with her head hanging off the side and her feet in my back. Trying to reposition her in her sleep is like trying to lift a sack of potatoes that weighs 500 pounds. And she gets so angry, hitting and pulling hair while she demands her duck and shoves her thumb in her mouth. Her little body radiates more heat than the surface of the sun and the more I move away the more closely she wants to sleep. Sleeping with her is like being part of a hot, sweaty UFC match (that your losing).
The only reason we share a bed is because that’s all we have. Soon we’ll be moving and each of the girls will have their own rooms with their own beds and I will be able to rest peacefully in my bed alone. Hannah will be resistant to that so I will have to wean her gradually back to sleeping alone. And if I’m honest, the transition is going to be hard on me too. I will have to adjust to being without the security of having each of them within arms reach, not being able to watch them sleeping, or to check they are safely still breathing by merely opening my eyes. For someone who doesn’t support the family bed, a big part of me will miss mine.
