The Lee Family and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good Family Vacation
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Anyone who knows me well enough, knows that I have a special way of attracting disaster. I have come to accept it as a natural part of my life, and as a result, I have developed a fantastic sense of humor about it. We had an excellent time on our vacation! Yes, it was riddled with disaster, one calamity after another, but in the end we survived and still managed to have fun. After all, a bad day on the beach is still a day on the beach. Here is the short version of some of the obstacles we had to face while on our highly anticipated Gulf Shores vacation.
The madness began before we could even get our bags packed! My mother-in-law’s brakes on her vehicle went out forcing her to pay mega bucks to get them, along with rotars and other car parts that I am sure I cannot name or spell correctly, replaced and leaving her without any money for the vacation. “Not a big deal mom, we’ve got you covered!” we told her. Then, Hannah fell down the stairs at my mother’s house sending us to the ER in a tailspin. Luckily, she was just fine. However, we returned that night to pack and found our kitchen was infested with black ants who were finding their way in through a microscopic crack somewhere under the baseboard by my bay window. AHHHHH!The terminix people couldn’t come out until the following Monday, when we would be gone, so my husband rigged up what I can only describe as a “mini ant mine-feild.” He made little mounds of ant pellets interspersed with the ant equivalent of what looked like roach motels and then quarantined the entire area off with about a mile of police caution tape. We crossed our fingers in hopes that our house would not become one huge ant hill while we were away.
Of course, the forecast called for rain and thunderstorms the entire week we were vacationing, beginning with the day we were leaving and ending the day we returned. Great, my own personal black cloud! We packed everything in large hefty garbage sacks, did a sunshine dance, and off we went only to make it just a few hours into our trip and have our left front tire blow out suddenly. That’s a very scary sound and realization when your tire pops at eighty miles an hour on a busy highway with your toddler in the car. However, my husband handled it perfectly, and, within seconds, we were safely pulled over to the side of the road awaiting AAA. After twenty minutes, he decided it would be faster to change it himself and in another ten we were back on the road. If I’m being honest, this little disaster could have been avoided had we bought new tires before the trip. We needed them. I knew it. But we were trying to postpone the expense of buying tires until after the trip. I’ve learned my lesson.
We made it to Gulf Shores safely and on time, excited to put our little disasters behind us and enjoy our beach vacation. Everyone suited up and to the ocean we trekked. Not an easy task for first time beach goers loaded with half the contents of our condo and carrying a toddler. We took beach chairs for everyone, an umbrella, 3 beach towels, a beach blanket, enough sunblock to survive the apocalypse, a beach bag loaded with more toys than Wal-Mart, and a cooler packed with enough food and drinks to last should we become stranded for a week. All of these items we piled about three feet high onto a radio-flyer wagon that I insisted on bringing. It turns out, plastic wheels do not turn easily in sand. In fact, they do not turn at all. My husband cursed me the entire way to the beach, and even more on the way back, as he drug this mountain of beach survival gear through sand the consistency of concrete.
The next day we visited the beach, we traveled much lighter. Just us, our umbrella, a much lighter cooler, and our room keys. It was a very relaxing beach trip. The water was perfect! The sun was out. Hannah was having a great time. We stayed for a few hours until I could see it was time to get back so our baby could eat and nap. My husband reluctantly dragged himself from the surf and began patting his pockets in search of our keys. “You got the keys?” he asked me, after coming up empty handed. I could feel my bad luck hugging me like an old friend. “No,” I said, “and please tell me you didn’t put the keys in your pocket and go swimming. In the OCEAN!” No answer. I took that as a yes. He began to panic, frantically searching the contents of our beach gear, hoping he had been smart enough to stow away the keys before he hit the water. No such luck. “You better find those keys,” was all I could say through my gritted teeth, as I looked at my hungry, pink, uncomfortable baby. This was bad. We had no way to get into our room, but we could just call the rental place to fix that. What was worse, we had no way to get into our car! That was our only truck key. Now, here we sat, stranded on the beach and without our well-packed survival cooler!
My husband had a man come out and make a key for our truck. It costs $200 in case you are wondering. It’s the most expensive key I have ever had made. What’s even funnier than losing your keys in the ocean? Having them returned to you the next day, after you’ve spent $200 on a new key. Yep. That happened. A very nice man found them after they had washed up on the beach one condo over, and he called the Rental’s number that was on the key chain. Apparently, so many people lose their keys in the ocean that rental places put their number on the key chain tag. Perfect.
At this point, we had had our fill of the beach. We decided to start checking out some of the area attractions. We did some shopping, a dolphin cruise, visited an amusement park, ate at some magnificent restaurants. Then one day, during a trip back to our condo, my daughter became overheated and thirsty. I gave her a bottled water, forgetting that my purse was sitting beneath her car seat. Drink, drink, drink, she guzzled. Once satisfied, the bottle was launched from her hands and landed open and upside down in my purse, which was equipped with my digital camera, my HD video camcorder, my Kindle, and my iPhone. I frantically began dumping water out and drying off each precious item. Everything was saved with the exception of the iPhone, aka “my world,” which still will not turn on. I think I had a nervous breakdown and an out of body experience at the same time. “Nooooooooooooooooooooooo….” I began to sob. Now, I was ready to go home. I’d had one too many disasters. We replaced the iPhone, without being able to get the contract discount, for another $299. Cha-ching.
We had a deep sea fishing trip scheduled for the next day, which was the last day of our hiatus. I nearly cancelled it because I was sure our boat would either be swept away by some freak tsunami or eaten by Jaws. However, my husband forced me to go and we had a great time. Actually, the vacation was not bad overall. It was certainly the most expensive vacation we had ever taken, but it was worth it. Like I said in the beginning, a bad day on the beach is still a day on the beach! Although, I will probably not return to Gulf Shores again, as we don’t seem to get along very well, I would recommend it to others. It’s beautiful, fun, and family friendly. Unless you are a Lee.
